What is your secret to a long and happy marriage?
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What is your secret to a long and happy marriage?
Is it just me or does everyone think marriage isn’t that hard?
I know that’s not what the experts say but I’m not an expert.
Apparently Queensland is the divorce capital of Australia. We process 30 divorces a day in the Sunshine State.
Demographer Bernard Salt says it’s not just because we’re a bit salty north of the Tweed, it’s migration, “The stress of establishing a new household, building a new life in a new state and the disconnection from family support networks affects relationships to a greater degree in Queensland than you find in other states.”
This weekend John and I celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary. It’s not one of the classics and we’re not doing much to commemorate it but I am proud of it and he is still my desert island person, so we’re lucky.
I don’t really have relationship advice, mainly because I think I might have accidentally married well. We are not confrontational people. Both of us are more likely to give in than pick a fight. We come from similar backgrounds so we have never disagreed over day to day stuff and despite some terrible financial decisions and our share of health problems life has been very good to us.
I do have a couple of tips though.
The first one is controversial but I think you should share money. I know lots of people don’t agree but I think money is a pretty good metaphor for love. You should give it freely, never count what you’re owed and don’t go handing it around at the pub.
Seriously, I think being told by my partner that I owed him $23 for an electricity bill or working out who paid for coffee last time would break my heart.
The second tip is just as important. The key to success in our relationship was John’s willingness to give up any dreams of home decoration. We left his stolen street signs, Phil Collins poster and milk crates in his old flat. They were the last decorating decisions he ever made.
In turn, I relinquished all my hardware dreams. John decides what type of lightbulbs, home entertainment and garden implements we require. I don’t buy chisels, he doesn’t buy cushions.
Other than that, I think the clichés are true. Don’t marry someone you hope will change. Everyone knows they won’t.
Treat your partner like a friend you want to impress. Make them a cup of tea, tell them when they look good, thank them for a job well done and keep secrets that are just for each other. A good marriage is made up of a thousand small kindnesses.
And finally, my fail safe. Marry someone who is kind and smart but mostly kind. You’ll be celebrating 29 years before you know it.
Caroline xx
