Who should pay for the first date?

Who should pay for the first date?

Is it just me or does everyone understand life is confusing?

We had two conversations on the radio this week about sexism.

The first was who should pay for the first date?

I think it should be the bloke.  Not because I am after a free ride, simply because I could never be with a penny pincher.  Generosity is a very attractive trait to me, not just in money but in time, love and spirit.  Bill-splitters and I would never work.

I was immediately challenged by people questioning how a feminist could believe something so outdated.

Men expressed confusion about life in general and like clockwork the old Fernwood and Curves chestnut got a run; how can women complain about sexism while female only gyms exist?

That’s called false equivalence.

‘Men only’ social clubs and golf clubs were places where captains of business, industry, and politics traditionally mingled and did deals of mutual benefit, locking women out of those opportunities.

Not the same as a place for someone to exercise safely.

I wish women only gyms didn’t exist too.

I wish people who ogle or comment or act like sleazebags in public were censured for their behaviour.  I wish what women wore in public or to the gym wasn’t a topic of conversation and that women could feel safe everywhere, but we know that’s not true.

The only freedom being curbed around fitness is actually womens’.

But how do I explain my position on dating or blokes holding open a door or offering me their jacket on a cold night?

Well, I hold open the door for anyone behind me, no matter who they are.  If I see someone struggling to carry their bags, I offer to help them.  I don’t do it because I think they can’t open a door or lift heavy things, I do it because I like people. I am just as quick to do it for a woman as a man.

I understand that some men feel confused by feminism, but I promise it’s not that hard.  It’s about intention.

Don’t open a door because you think women are the weaker sex, open that door for anyone you are walking with, because it’s good manners.  Most people do it to be kind.

Paying for dinner is the same.  Don’t do it because you think a woman can’t pay or because you want her to owe you something, do it to show you are invested in the relationship.  And if she’s worth dating she will shout you right back the next time.

None of these things should be gestures of manliness or control, merely a reflection of your kindness toward others.

If someone scowls at you for opening a door, don’t take it to heart, the scowler is the dinosaur.

Anything you choose to do out of kindness or generosity can never be wrong.

Caroline xx